The Big V
Warning - this post contains information of the Too Much variety. If you're squeamish or just don't care to know about the deeply personal life of the Heathen Housewife and her family, move along and come back tomorrow. If you're a shameless voyeur who loves to know all the dirt, carry on.
Well, now Joe has blogged it, I feel it is fair game for me to discuss that which I was biting my tongue over yesterday. I am so proud of my husband. He did a brave thing today, which many lesser men would have made silly excuses against doing and he did it without any sort of martyrdom or any excessive whining at all. Joe got a vasectomy.
Oh, there are so many aspects to this story. There are the emotional ones - no matter how certain we are that we are happy with our two beautiful girls and that our family is complete (and boy are we certain!), it is sad to think that there will be no more pregnant bellies, no more birth stories, no more little people to love more deeply than I had ever imagined a person could love. I feel these things, I think Joe does not and that is just fine. Still, even though I am a stay-at-home mom and have my whole self to devote to my kids, there are many days when I feel stretched past my limits and although I know it will get easier in many ways as they get older, I don't want my girls to have any less share of my attention than they currently do, and to be honest, I don't want any less share of private time than I currently have. This is the balance that is right for our family, and I am happy with it.
There is the whole society macho aspect to this story. The whole societal relation between virility and impotence. The whole "Don't mess with my balls" thing that men have. Never mind that women get poked and prodded down there every year by an OB/GYN, never mind the humiliations of childbirth and the related suffering that women go through. I have heard so many stories of men who will not even consider getting a vasectomy but insist that their wives get their tubes tied instead, even though it is a much simpler procedure for men. Not my husband - and this is why I am so proud of him. He is and has always been confident and secure in who he is as a man and as a person and he doesn't need to know that he's shooting out live rounds in order to feel like a man.
I have to admit that watching him go through this today - or at least the aftermath of it - has reminded me of what I went through after Sophie was born. I was really torn up down there and had surgery the day she was born to fix it, and was in really bad pain for weeks afterwards while it healed. I got very little rest or support about it from anyone, and although Joe did the best he could, I just don't think he fully understood how bad things were for me. There was one point at which he was angry with me for wanting to go to the ER to have my stitches checked because it hurt so bad I thought they were tearing. He has since apologized deeply for that one.
Anyway, that's all water under the bridge. I'm just saying that I didn't know how today would be for him. I did my very best to make sure that he felt supported and got the rest he needed and took some pain medication and didn't do more than he absolutely had to. He spent most of the day in bed with an ice pack, his laptop (and wireless connection), his Nintendo DS, his books and magazines. He'll get tomorrow completely off too. He has told me a little bit about how it feels - somewhat uncomfortable it sounds like, but not altogether horrid.
What surprised me the most today was how fast the whole thing went. I drove him to the doctor's office and the girls and I sat in the waiting room for all of 20 minutes while they did the old snip snip. 20 minutes! From the time he went back there fully clothed to the time he came out fully clothed with a paper bag in his hand full of empty specimen jars for later. I've been known to read the Fly Lady's web site now and again, and one of her sayings is that you can do anything for 15 minutes. I guess that's somewhat appropriate today.
Okay, that's more than enough. The girls and I had a mediocre day of our own. We went back out to run some errands, which kept us out of Daddy's way for the rest of the morning. I managed to keep Julie downstairs for most of the afternoon while Joe napped, too. Sorry, no pictures today - it's hard to motivate for pictures when you're working with a crummy camera phone. Have I mentioned how much I miss my Canon? I may have to borrow our old one back from the in-laws to tide me over till I get ours back.
Well, now Joe has blogged it, I feel it is fair game for me to discuss that which I was biting my tongue over yesterday. I am so proud of my husband. He did a brave thing today, which many lesser men would have made silly excuses against doing and he did it without any sort of martyrdom or any excessive whining at all. Joe got a vasectomy.
Oh, there are so many aspects to this story. There are the emotional ones - no matter how certain we are that we are happy with our two beautiful girls and that our family is complete (and boy are we certain!), it is sad to think that there will be no more pregnant bellies, no more birth stories, no more little people to love more deeply than I had ever imagined a person could love. I feel these things, I think Joe does not and that is just fine. Still, even though I am a stay-at-home mom and have my whole self to devote to my kids, there are many days when I feel stretched past my limits and although I know it will get easier in many ways as they get older, I don't want my girls to have any less share of my attention than they currently do, and to be honest, I don't want any less share of private time than I currently have. This is the balance that is right for our family, and I am happy with it.
There is the whole society macho aspect to this story. The whole societal relation between virility and impotence. The whole "Don't mess with my balls" thing that men have. Never mind that women get poked and prodded down there every year by an OB/GYN, never mind the humiliations of childbirth and the related suffering that women go through. I have heard so many stories of men who will not even consider getting a vasectomy but insist that their wives get their tubes tied instead, even though it is a much simpler procedure for men. Not my husband - and this is why I am so proud of him. He is and has always been confident and secure in who he is as a man and as a person and he doesn't need to know that he's shooting out live rounds in order to feel like a man.
I have to admit that watching him go through this today - or at least the aftermath of it - has reminded me of what I went through after Sophie was born. I was really torn up down there and had surgery the day she was born to fix it, and was in really bad pain for weeks afterwards while it healed. I got very little rest or support about it from anyone, and although Joe did the best he could, I just don't think he fully understood how bad things were for me. There was one point at which he was angry with me for wanting to go to the ER to have my stitches checked because it hurt so bad I thought they were tearing. He has since apologized deeply for that one.
Anyway, that's all water under the bridge. I'm just saying that I didn't know how today would be for him. I did my very best to make sure that he felt supported and got the rest he needed and took some pain medication and didn't do more than he absolutely had to. He spent most of the day in bed with an ice pack, his laptop (and wireless connection), his Nintendo DS, his books and magazines. He'll get tomorrow completely off too. He has told me a little bit about how it feels - somewhat uncomfortable it sounds like, but not altogether horrid.
What surprised me the most today was how fast the whole thing went. I drove him to the doctor's office and the girls and I sat in the waiting room for all of 20 minutes while they did the old snip snip. 20 minutes! From the time he went back there fully clothed to the time he came out fully clothed with a paper bag in his hand full of empty specimen jars for later. I've been known to read the Fly Lady's web site now and again, and one of her sayings is that you can do anything for 15 minutes. I guess that's somewhat appropriate today.
Okay, that's more than enough. The girls and I had a mediocre day of our own. We went back out to run some errands, which kept us out of Daddy's way for the rest of the morning. I managed to keep Julie downstairs for most of the afternoon while Joe napped, too. Sorry, no pictures today - it's hard to motivate for pictures when you're working with a crummy camera phone. Have I mentioned how much I miss my Canon? I may have to borrow our old one back from the in-laws to tide me over till I get ours back.
posted by Shelly Kang at 10:16 PM
8 Comments:
"Shooting out live rounds".........I like that one!!!
There's nothing quite like having stitches in the most sensitive parts of your body, is there! Just keep the kids from jumping on your dear husband and jarring his sore bits!
Awww! He sounds like a real keeper! Thankfully, more men are like that nowadays...my boss's husband is another one. And those of us with boys are doing our best to raise them that well, too.
Cudos to the DH! I've been trying to talk my DH into one for years! My husband use to have a private law practice and you wouldn't believe how many men age 50+ come in wanting DNA testing to see if some woman's kid is theirs (they are hoping its not!) I would look at these men and chew them out for not having the big V. Grow up, boys. If you don't want to have more kids and do want to have unprotected sex, get snipped!
A man with a vasectomy; is there anything sexier? :)
it makes me feel really good that you all feel so certain and comfortable with this, not like it was something one of you wanted and the other wasn't ok.
Good on Joe! You're right, not many men would do that willingly. And good that he has apologized for that ER thing lol.
Wish him well for us
Yay, Joe! And it works so well, too. We have had our vasectomy for 17 years, now, and it never fails. Sort of like the Harlot's Mr. Washie, but different. We love it!
My DH willingly went under the knife after our third child. He even scheduled it while I was still pregnant, I had two boys and really wanted a girl. I said but what if it isn't a girl? He said then it will be my three sons for us. I was lucky, I had a girl....and then 9 years later another one,Katie, you met her at the SnB. The Vasectomy failed.
BTW, DH said the second vasectomy was more painful. Don't tell Joe.
BTW DH said the second vasectomy
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