Okay, I have two small comment questions to answer and then a bigger one.
Noricum (Andrea) asks whether I have a feed. Yes, yes I do. I just tried it, and if you type or paste http://www.shellykang.com/Blog/ into the form, you’ll get a choice between atom and rss. To be honest, even though I have a degree in Computer Science, I still don’t know which one of those is better to pick. To be even more honest, Bloglines baffles me. I keep thinking that it is something that would be handy, but instead I use the RSS function in Firefox and somehow understand that better.
Jan asked whether I’m working the blanket from side to side or bottom to top or what. I’m working from the bottom up, or I guess it could be considered top down. I do think you need to work this particular arrangement of miters vertically, so that the decrease lines will run vertically. Unless, of course, you want the decrease lines to run horizontally in which case you would work…are you ready for this…side to side. 
Moria asked why I was so hard on a present that someone gave my daughter. She didn’t like the tone of the “I guess” at the end of my paragraph about it in yesterday’s post. The short answer is that I was giving an honest review or assessment of my feelings about this product. The I guess part, at face value, is my normal attempt at semi-snarky humour, which anyone who’s read my blog very much has seen before.
The long answer is that as a parent, I’m always making decisions that I’m not fully comfortable with. Sometimes because I’m taking the easy path that I know is not perfectly right, but makes all of our days easier…like letting Julie watch some TV every afternoon while I start dinner – usually an hour or less, but studies have shown that ANY television is detrimental to small children. Most parents seem to think that certain shows are “educational” and therefore somehow not just an easy babysitter, but actually good for their kids. Sorry to break the news, but that’s what the marketers want you to think. TV is actually hampering their brain development. Still, I know of very few parents who never turn on the boob tube for their kids. And even knowing that it’s not good for my daughter, I let her watch Sesame Street or a Bob the Builder video pretty much every day. Because it’s there, she likes it, and it gives me a moment’s peace. Nope, I’m not fully comfortable with that, but I do it anyway. I can live with it, I guess. There are lots of other little things like that which bother me about the way most Americans raise our kids. I’m guilty of some of them, too.
Juice is another great example. It’s not good for you, me, or our kids. It’s empty calories, linked to obesity, and rots their little teeth. Yet most kids get it, undiluted, every day. Not my kid. I give it to her once a week, maybe twice, and then it’s diluted with water. I even had a chat with the preschool teacher when I saw juice as the beverage for snack time the first few days of school. Somehow, many parents seem to think that it’s good for their kids, even necessary. So even though I know she doesn’t need it, I do give it to her as a treat some times. And that’s okay, too…I guess. Don’t get me started on all the other really junky stuff like Kraft macaroni and cheese (Kraft Dinner for you Canucks – KD for short, so I hear through my Canadian insider friend) that I hear many kids are eating every day.
And about a million other little battles that we either choose to pick, or just fall in line with what it seems like everyone else is doing because that’s the easiest path to follow. Color Wonders products are another tiny little example of this kind of thing to me. They sound like a great idea, till you really think about them. I summarized my opinion about them pretty well yesterday. Yes, they are relatively harmless. I’ve bought the markers version of them before for the long plane trips when we went to Hawaii a couple years ago. Someone bought them for us this time, and we’re using them. But I’m always hearing about how in today’s world, creative thinking skills are important for success in our world. It is much better when I pull out the old-style finger paints and let Julie smear them around in the undefined patterns of her own choosing on blank paper. It’s maddening sometimes watching her play with them in the way that doesn’t seem “right” to me, but I bite my tongue and watch what she comes up with. She’s learning creativity, and they hold her interest a lot longer than any coloring book ever has.
And that’s the real reason for the I guess. Because even though it is easy, even though they are there, even though Julie seems to like them and asked to play with them, deep down I feel a bit like I’m doing less than I could be as a parent. The I guess says I’m not 100% sure I’m doing the best job I could be, but I’m plowing ahead anyway, and you know what, I am a darn good great parent even if I could do better.
And here’s the most important part – the part that I hope you read before you get angry at me and write up a comment. Just because I have these standards for myself and my kids, doesn’t mean that I’m judging you and your standards for your kids. Quite the contrary. I know how hard it is to even figure out what the right thing would be. I know that doing it 100% of the time is impossible. I know that we all do our best, and if you’re feeding your kids juice every day, you have your reasons and we’ll all survive.
Okay, and if you don’t think I’m the world’s biggest heel after reading this post so far, I’m going to give you a good reason to think I’m a jerk. Yesterday we had some friends over for lunch. Some friends who happen not to eat pork for religious reasons. I was halfway through heating up a pile of lasagna before I realized what I was doing and had to switch to turkey coldcut sandwiches. I feel awful for being so inconsiderate. I mean, I had offered the lasagna on the spur of the moment without thinking it through, and the turkey sandwiches had actually been plan A. But still. I’m a freakin’ idiot. Sorry, dear friends! I will try to be more considerate in the future!
Hi Shelley,I usually only read the main post, not all the comments so don’t exactly know what people have said here but it seems to me that instead of you enjoying your blog as a place to post your day to day ramblings and knitting progress you seem to have to spend more an more time justifying yourself to people who know nothing about you and I’m feeling kind of sad that it’s come to this. Your’s isn’t the first blog I’ve noticed this on either. I’m afraid I’m very much of the opinion that if you don’t like what you read then go elsewhere.
In other news (about things which are not so good for our children) here in the UK they have figured out that if you eat a bag of crisps (potato chips?) every day for a year you will have consumed the equivalent of 5 litres of cooking fat – yeuch!
Oh – and I really loce the blankie by the way!
I admire you for sticking to what you feel is best for your kids. As a mother of three (two teens, now, and a 4th grader) I have found that our society loves to judge others about parenting. Just do what you feel in your gut is the best and everything works out.
Hi Shelly! I personally are of the opinion that all parents just need to make the best choices we can with the info we have, and try to continue to learn to make better choices. I’m with you on the color wonder, mostly (I’ll explain in a min) and different on the juice. However, I think we are both great parents! We are involved, make thoughtful choices, and do the best we can.
Julie and Sophie are lucky to have you.
As far as the color wonder goes, I have the finger paints and the clay (which is more free form, but not at all messy) and not the markers. The finger paint actually is a good sensory experience, and that is important to neurological development. (I have a child with sensory integration difficulty.) and I use it on airplanes, and when we were moving into our new house and my kids needed something vaguely art like to do, but I didn’t have space yet for art projects, and needed to be unpacking.
Blankie looks beautiful, although I have to admit I am drawn to the idea and rationale of the triangle, since most of my knitting time is out. If my blankie gets too big to go out I am afraid it will never be finished!
Hi Shelly, Reading your post reminded me of the things I dealt with when my kids were young. I insisted upon a regular nap time, because life was good with a regular nap time, but my good friend Kathy thought I was a control freak when I didn’t let them miss their nap to go do something spontaneous. We certainly did lots of spontaneous things at other times throughout the day and had the benefit of kids who were generally happy all day long. The people at the bank fussed at me when my oldest son was 3 and I never wanted them to give me the lollipop for him. He didn’t even know he was missing it and he was certainly well-fed. With all the sugar addiction in this country, I thought the longer we could avoid such things, the better. And I might have been right – he’s the least likely of my kids to want a sweet treat, as the others got those things earlier (since he had them by then). My sister (no kids, btw) was positive my boys would never grow up and “cut the apron strings” because I home-schooled them until 9th grade (my daughter asked to start in 6th). Well, my now high-school senior is all gung-ho to go to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore next fall (pretty far from NC) if he is accepted and is very outgoing and willing to volunteer with all kinds of groups and for all kinds of activities. I think it is important for us to be true to what we think is best for our kids, especially when we do our best to keep up with the most current (and hopefully correct) information, as it is obvious you try to do. It is hard to be a parent and we will go crazy if we second-guess ourselves. It looks like you catch it even more because you’re putting yourself out there in cyber-space. It was hard enough to stay on track just dealing with all the comments from people in my real-life. BTW, I am so with you on the TV issue. I allowed just a little PBS so that I could take on something big, like dinner, but we read and explored and did art projects so much that I don’t doubt we overruled the influence of the tv. We still don’t have cable to this day and my kids are proud of it. They do rent movies, which I think is more valuable because they’re making a conscious choice to watch something, not just watching what is offered in a mindless way, but even that is pretty limited. So, stick to your guns and do what you think it right. I’m behind you all the way!
Shelly, I’ve been reading your blog long enough to recognize when you’ve hit a “bump-in-the-road”.
Look, when complete strangers see from your daily blogging that you are a thoughtful, caring mother who does the best she can to bring up her kids in a loving, caring, safe, etc. etc. environment — you are. And you know you are.
All of us who have children have made mistakes or chosen things that in the long-run we might change. But you know what? We’re going to make choices that aren’t wise. We’re going to make mistakes. So…I think that means we aren’t PERFECT. It makes us human, normal and that’s a good thing.
I can guarantee you that you will be a terrible mother if you don’t follow your INTERNAL guide. Ignore things that go against what you know is right for you and your family.
Julie and Sophie are darling and they are happy. Even if you do every-little-thing according to your internal “right” — they will grow up believing you coulda,shoulda, woulda in SOME area!! You’ll shake your head and think “Well, why did I worry about it? Who could know they’d see it that way once they grew up?”
Cheer up! You’re doing great.
Awesome.
The most important thing, IMHO, is that you are INVOLVED and TRYING. Whatever your choices. You know your kids, you know what sets them off in a good way or in a bad way. My kids go through periods where even a little TV makes them nuts, so there isn’t any. Right now, they’re playing independently a lot and not asking for it if I don’t turn it on, so I don’t.
You are a great mother because you really, truly CARE. That’s what they get from you. That you love them and they’re important.
I also feel bad that you’ve been put on the defensive about the blog. I felt the same just the other day because my DH was offended by something I said. Now I don’t know whether I should edit more, be free to say what I want and ask him not to read it any more or what. Luckily right now it’s all spinning, all the time, so there’s no choice to make.
Have fun with your lovely girls! All too soon they are at school and you’re feeling guilty about being glad to be alone for a little while…
Shelly, we are friends with a couple, and the woamn is Jewish. The first time she came over, her fellow did not tell me she was Jewish and I served ham. The next time they came, I served cheese-burgers. With the cheese melted all on those burgers. It came out in conversation after dinner that second night that she was Jewish, and I would have gladly stepped in had a hole opened up in my floor. But we all lived.
When you get a minute, would it be possible for you to talk about dairy substitution? I have a wee gal allergic to milk, and could use some tips.
And I so admire you on the TV thing. I try to attain, but we watch far too much. Sigh.
Hey, we all do the best we can for our kids (well, the normal ones do)and I’m sure you’re doing a great job. Just do what you think is right. Mine are in their 20s now and came out fine. Luuuvvvvv those socks in the last post.
Don’t worry so much Shelley… if you do, it will become a chore and then you won’t want to blog anymore which would really suck for the people who like reading your blog. Can’t please everyone!
Shelly, I think you do an awesome job! I love reading your blog because we have similar aged kids and parenting philosophies; I appreciate reading about a mother who struggles with the same issues, like the TV thing for example. Before Knittybaby came along we were a “half hour a day/PBS only family.” Now we are still a PBS only family but the TV has become a huge struggle. Do I get a decent dinner made or nurse Knittybaby to sleep and pretend I don’t notice Little Man has been at the tube for 90 minutes? Or do I fight through all of it and end up with an overtired baby and another crappy dinner of noodles and peas? Choices, choices, choices.
After Knittybaby was born I asked a friend how our grandmothers got it all done without giving in to the tv. She gave a great answer: Grandma lived around the corner, Auntie down the road and their best friend across the street:-)
Shelly,
I’ve been reading your blog for only a short time. I’m new (or re-new) to knitting, and I’m struggling to figure things out a bit at a time (as you can tell from my most recent trip to the frog pond on my blog…lol). I greatly enjoy reading about your adventures.
As for parenting, I’m a mom of 2. 9 y/o boy and 7 y/o girl. People will always pass judgement on parenting styles…. Just recently, my (let’s see if you can follow this…) step-sister’s husband’s mother [my step mother in law??] made a comment I thought was rather rude. My son’s hair has been growing out (per his request). When I was little, my hair was NEVER the way I wanted it. It was something that always stuck with me. In fact, at one point, I took the scissors to it myself, since my mom wouldn’t allow me to get bangs. Now, in the grand scheme of things, what does his hair style affect? I’ve told him it will make him hotter (it’s so dang thick!) and he’s ok with that. My husband’s hair is down to the middle of his back. Does it effect his abiltity to get a “good” job? Unfortunately, probably yes. Anyhow, I digress…
Someone made a comment about J’s hair getting long and I said, “yeah, we can’t talk him into a haircut.” To which SMIL’s response was, “Oh, so he’s the parent?”
Really…I’m not going to fight (or override) with my child about a haircut.
My list of things that are more important? Healty Eating, homework, hygeine, cleanliness, exercise, reading…the list goes on!
Pick your battles and do the best you can! (wow…that was a round-about way of getting to my point!)
Oh…and with the Color Wonders…they have blank paper, too. That’s what I get for my kids at my mom’s…ever since the whole black-marker-on-the-couch incident.
oh…and my PSA for today…
If your child throws one of those sticky hands at the wall…and it doesn’t fall back off…and you don’t notice it for a few days…there will be a permanent goo stain.
Thanks for the feed info… I’m subscribed now.
Hi, Shelley,
It’s sad to see what used to be only strange looks and snide comments at the grocery publicized on a blog. I believe in similar methods of parenting, and my child has allergies. I use the same phrase you do “it will make you sick”, and after refusing to buy a treat in the grocery one day and telling him it had nuts in it, had an old man lean over and tell my 4-year old son, in a conspiratorial voice, “Don’t you listen to her – that’s what all mommies say when they don’t want you to have something!”
It’s a challenge raising any child, more so when you try to do it in a way outside the mainstream. I think others are using your blog as a public, and often anonymous, forum for airing their personal issues with what they see as frightening. No one is a perfect parent. We all make choices that are less than ideal. Some of us make choices that are not widely accepted.
I’m sorry that you are taking the heat for all of us non-conforming parents. In our choices, in our parenting, in our failings, we are all out there. And while it is still unacceptable to confront us in the grocery or on the street, somehow they think it is OK to confront you, as proxy for all of us, on your blog.
Kudos to you for your efforts, your triumphs, your reaching beyond the norm to care for your children. You are a wonderful, loving mother, and it shows. Getting frustrated and fed-up are part of motherhood, just as it is part of motherhood to curl up and snuggle with a warm darling or kiss a boo-boo.
I take the heat from friends and family on a regular basis. I have argued with pediatricians and ER docs. It’s not always fun. But watching your healthy, happy children grow up makes it worth every second of stress.