Oh, people. I have a peeve.
Tonight we (the girls and I) were out to dinner. Joe was working late again and we headed over to a little local place called Yum! The food there is quite good – the girls always get the macaroni and cheese, I usually get one of their awesome sandwiches created with fancy bread made on the premises. They also have amazing french fries, good-looking salads, pizza, and pasta dishes. Not to mention a nice dessert case.
We’ve been there many times before, and I especially like it in the summer when we can sit outside on the patio. No problem so far, right?
Well, let me back up for a minute and say that Joe and I have been taking our girls out to eat on a regular basis since Julie was born. There is more than one restaurant in town where the wait staff knows us by sight, where they smile and mention how much our girls have grown and that they remember when I was pregnant with Julie or when she was tiny and asleep in her car seat.
I firmly believe in taking kids, even very small ones, out to eat – in the right kind of restaurants – places that are at least somewhat family friendly, as in, not luxuriously fancy romantic places, but places that are better than those with drive-through windows. We have worked hard over the last five-plus years to train our kids to behave at the dinner table, both at home and in society.
It’s a gradual process, one that takes much repetition to perfect. There have been times with our girls when we’ve had to get our food in take-away containers because they were not able to behave, times when I’ve had to take one of the girls out to the lobby or parking lot to calm them down while the rest of the family eats. Eating out with children is not always easy or even pleasant, but with the investment of time and effort, it can be.
Oh, my god, I am willing to put up with children eating near me in restaurants. I am willing to put up with watching parents working to teach their children good manners and yet from perfect in the process. Tonight, however, my head just about exploded watching the scene at Yum! (the name of the restaurant includes the exclamation point, by the way). There was a giant herd of toddlers – five or six of them, from various groups of patrons, running around the place. They were running up and down the ramp at the entrance, chasing each other, hanging like monkeys from the railings, getting in peoples’ way as they tried to get in line to order their food. Towards the end of our meal, there were even a couple of grade-school girls who climbed up and sat on top of the corner of a safety railing.
And, okay. I could see any one of those things happening for a moment while a parent was distracted. But these families were sitting around smiling at their little terrors, chatting with each other and even encouraging them to go play. Totally inappropriate! Totally crazy-making!
I will admit to my children’s imperfections. Oh, it was not so very long ago when Joe took the girls to that very same restaurant and Julie accidentally blew her straw wrapper on to the plate of the patron at the next table. Joe was mortified, apologetic, and very angry at both Julie and me. But Julie felt plenty bad about it too. I will take the blame for that one – even though I wasn’t there at the time, I was the one who taught her that trick, although to that point the wrappers had always stayed on our own table.
But come on! What is wrong with these people? Train your little monsters to behave like human beings! I really, really wanted to go have a chat with some of those parents about how they are not doing their kids any favors by letting them behave so poorly, what with they will eventually need to know how to behave. And I felt bad for my own children, sitting so nicely in their chairs, eating their dinners with almost flawless behavior for once. What must it seem like to them that they are held to high expectations while the children around them run wild?
I know, I am a cranky old lady already.
I am so glad that you are teaching your girls manners and how to eat out and behave properly. I work in a 5th grade classroom at an elementary school and I am sad to say that most of our kids were never taught manners or good behavior. Bravo for being an excellent parent!!!
I agree with you 100%. I am a primary school teacher and teach my students proper manners and that type of behavior is never acceptable.
I completely agree with you. We always try to ensure that our 3 children behave when we are out and about. I am actually surprised at how often people comment about how well behaved the kids are when I think that they are just behaving appropriately for the situation.
You are so right about about parents not doing their kids any favours by letting them behave poorly.
And these are probably the same parents that want the teacher in school to teach them to behave. I applaud you for teaching your girls the proper behavior.
Eileen
I agree with you completely. Good manners anywhere seem to have flown out the window. I also wonder why the restaurant didn’t say something since there could have been an accident with people tripping over them – how would the parents have reacted then.
How can you properly enjoy food with that going on?
I struggle with this one, too. We teach our girls that there are particular manners for eating in a restaurant that may differ (slightly) from those when we’re eating at home. The first rule is sitting in your own seat! I run into the most problems when my in-laws are with us (the girls are apparently not held to those rules when with Grandma and Grandpa, against our wishes) and when we’re with other families whose children don’t have the same rules to obey. I know it frustrates our kids, but I have to trust that it will serve them well to learn this now. Either that, or I’m a big meanie!
I totally agree with you. We were strict with our kids, and they were frequently complimented in public on their behavior, which reinforced the worth of their good manners. One day, those ill behaved children will be too old to be cute behaving that way, and they’ll have no clue what to do differently. Also, we were very lucky that both sets of grand parents did things our way.
You are so right about this. I ran a restaurant for several years – a family friendly one and dealt with many families with small children. When children ran without supervision, I would go to the table and request that they keep the child sitting because I could not take the responsibility of one of the children falling and getting hurt, or tripping a server and getting hot food, coffee, etc spilled on them or tripping another customer. One man actually told me that if his child got hurt he would sue me and the restaurant. I actually picked up their food, (and the check), and told them they had to leave. The dining room was full and they applauded. Months later the man and his family returned and the children remained sitting and the previous episode was never mentioned.
Good for you for holding your girls to higher ideals.
There is a discout store near my house where they have to make annoucements several times an hour asking people to keep their kids with them because one of them is lost and crying and another is running through the aisles and a third is destroying a display. I’ve had to grab clothing racks that kids were about to pull over on themselves while the parents never looked up from their bargain hunting.
You are NOT a cranky old lady. This is one of my pet peeves as well. I cannot deal with parents who sit there thinking it is okay for their little joey or little sally to run around in restaurants.
I like you taught my kids at a very young age that they were to sit and behave. I would load up my arsenal with small table games like PIGS (you roll two pigs and get points for each time they land), small drawing pads, etc. I have made the trips to the parking lot or the restroom for a timeout and then back in. There were many meals that were less than enjoyable but I was able to take my children to any social event and not worry about their behavoir. Sounds like those parents were looking for a nite out with adults and they should have gotten a babysitter.
Karyn
That is one of my pet peeves also. Ever since my daughter was a baby we have been taking her to resturants. We have always enforced manners and good behavior. In fact, we’ve had many conversations about misbehaving children in public. These parents really are doing their children a disservice. Manners need to be learned early and enforced. When these children get to be adults they will have no idea how to behave in situations. My daughter even takes her DS or when she was little a purse with a coloring book and crayons along when we eat out. I know people who think it’s rude for someone to be playing video games while at a meal table, but I’d rather have my child quietly occupying herself than running around like a feral child.
I
Let me finish my thought. I applaud you and Joe for teaching the girls manners. It never hurts to teach a child how to be polite.
I’m also on your side with this one. We started teaching our kids how to behave in restaurants stores and on airplanes and in church when they were little.
They were actually invited to be in my sister-in-law’s wedding when they were 6 and 9.
There are way too many parents who think making the kids behave is “too much work”.
You will enjoy being anyplace with them because you were willing to do the work now.
I’m glad it’s not just me-my kids are young adults and even now they groan when parents don’t reign in their little ones (or bigger ones!) when out in public. You’ve given your children a gift and they will carry it with them…
Just had to chime in too – I also agree with you – I have two boys (ages 5 and 2) and we work hard to enforce good manners, both at restaurants and at home. It’s not always easy, but worth it when they do behave (I always love it when strangers tell us what lovely children we have) and certainly makes it more enjoyable for us to take them places, too. I’m glad other parents out there are working on the same thing.
Quite a few people have already chimed in that you are on the right track, and I concur!! I have read and heard that young adults, coming out of college, are actually having difficulties in the workplace these days, as so many of them have been brought up so permissively, with such “me-centered” viewpoints. Good manners and appropriate behavior are never “out of style”. And it is fine to teach your children that just because someone else is allowed to behave that way, does not make it right! (At least not in your book!)
I don’t think you are a cranky old lady. I think you’re a mom trying to teach / raise her daughters a certain way and that’s incredibly tough to do when there are bad examples running between tables.
My 21 month old just looks at me pathetically when I tell him he can’t get down and run around with other kids in restaurants. Kind of an early age for the “if everyone were jumping off a bridge …” lesson, and yet I have no choice because manners don’t seem to matter.
I totally agree with you. I am a server in a nice restaurant and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost ran over a kid running around in my way with hot food in my hands. I want to scream at the parents who allow it. My kids have always known how to behave in a restaurant.
Totally agree with that peeve! I remember someone else blogging about a similar situation a while ago, and telling how she used it as an opportunity to point out to her kids how great they were being and how proud she was of their behaviour.
I so hear you. We don’t take our kids out to restaurants that much, but we are out in public a lot, and I work really hard with them (well, the 5.5 and 4 y.o) around appropriate behavior. I have no patiences for feral kids, and I like kids! I really appreciate it when I see parents parenting their kids. I agree, those other parents are not doing their kids any favors.
Thank you for being consistent with your girls about polite behaviour. I was a ferral child, sort of. My parents certainly knew good manners, and I was expected to behave ‘on special occasions’. I got landed regularly for missbehaving and embarrassing them, but I never knew when it would happen, or what constituted ’special’. I became so socially insecure that in middle age I am still dealling with conflict about whether I am behaving properly or not in spite of having read and re-read ‘Miss Manners’ et al. and done my best to implement it.
You are not being mean – you are being kind.
Leah
My parents did the same thing–taking us out and teaching us to behave. Once, when my brother was about 4 or 5, he actually turned to the parents sitting at the booth behind us and asked them to get their kid to be quiet.
I’m sure your kids don’t think it’s unfair–they just think that the other kids are poorly behaved.